I wasn't with myself yesterday or..... I may be am with my real self yesterday.
Most of the people would describe as a happy-go-lucky, smiley girl, noisy, enthusiastic, comedian, and everything positive you can think of. I think it's true and that's what I usually project ( I think?!). That is because I get energized when I am with friends, I love poking jokes out of anybody and I just love to laugh and that;s what they see in me everyday. So for some other people they would say I am not in my usual self...
Because yesterday was so sentimental....so emotional. I could not even talk well, I don't know if I was saying the right thing, I get pissed easily, I wasn't smiling the whole time and I don't wanna talk to anybody. There's some kind of depression, sadness and stress from somewhere I do not know and I cannot figure out. I get teary-eyed when someone would ask me if I am okay? Silly? Yes? NO. Because I really am not okay and you cant expect me to say that I am okay when it's written all over my face that I am not. I had a bad time with my LDR-boyfriend as well that day ( yes, i have a boyfriend, and NO it's not because of him) so I couldn't help but cry. But then I realized, no one really knows the real me except my boyfriend I think. I asked God why am I like this? Why do I always think ahead? Why do I always think too much? Why am I too hard on myself?
So that day passed and God allowed me to move on and not deal with that feeling for a long time. Just that after I cried. Though it's kind of a weird feeling you get when you do not know where it is coming from, it's also good to feel like that once in a while. I mean, that's for me, I don't know if it does for you. I am saying this because at that point in your life you get to know who the real people around you, who matters most, who cares about you and most importantly when you have no one to turn to, you get to be alone with God.