Mga Pahina

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Procrastination at it's best

For a long time now I have been contemplating if I should quit and transfer somewhere else and it is like an intermittent problem that I have. I still cannot come up with a decision and although my mind keeps on telling me that I should go my body and mind wouldn't follow. I am not even sure if my feelings are right and although I should have a lot of reasons to quit it all boils down to should I go? or not?

This morning before going to bed I saw an FB post from a friend of course, an old video of Regine singing Next in Lone by i dont know who was the original singer and I never understood this song when she sang it before but I really like her rendition. I also never get to sang this song so I didn't bother to know what the meaning is..yes, I understand what it meant but I just realize the whole thought of the song this morning.

What is life to offer me when I grow old? 

That is the first line of the song and for some reason it has been playing on my mind like a broken record. Ano nga ba?

I didn't graduate from college and that is really one my insecurities if not the #1 and I have only been able to realize this about a year now or so. When I started working in BPO I never thought of going back to school because it's tiring, never liked my course, I had to spend for something that I didn't like and hello? you wont get to save if you would go to school. Walang baon. LOL.

But now the table has been turned. I keep on questioning myself why dont I go back to school? I have friends who were able to finish school even if they were working at the same time. I surely can actually but why couldn't I? I still have a lot of time in my hands and I know if  that if I want to I can support myself. But why can't I? Contemplating..

This morning as well I went to pay my phone bill and I was looking at the cashier guy and it seems like his job was just so easy to handle, he would just get money put it in the system and that's it. Of course I don't know how much he is paid for and if it's just lesser than what I am paying for, why wouldn't he apply for call center? Bakit nga ba hindi? 

It's either they weren't lucky enough to pass or they are already settled with their job. How will you be able to settle with your job if you are only being paid less compared to how much you have spent to finish school? People are really different right?  I honestly think I couldn't go to a job with lesser pay than what I am being paid now.. but is it really worth it? 

This job that I have right now is actually easy. You wake up, go to work, answer calls and not even that busy, you eat, and go home, you wont even need to bring your work stuff at home and you can just sleep it over and I get paid way over the minimum wage. But..why am i not happy?

I can support my family, I can go to school if I want to, I can go enjoy with my friends if I want to, and buy stuff that I want but why am i not happy?  In all fairness, when I started working here I actually was so happy and didn't even ask for more. But now every day I keep on asking if I belong here? How can I make myself happy? Why am I even asking these? I am blessed and I will be forever thankful. But what can make me happy?

As I have mentioned I have been contemplating should I quit? But where will I go? Another BPO? Any better? I dont really know. Right now, I just really want something new... a fresh start. I want to know if I still can go beyond my limits? If I still can learn more. How? I want to challenge myself, not that I am not challenged here anymore because as what my manager said I haven't gone into a very challenging situation yet. I dont know, I felt like I have already. So right now I am procrastinating, should I go? or not?

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