25/5 realizations

So, as you know I just turned 26 (whoa~!!) (Korean age) 25 international age! trollololol XD

And I don't want to be emotional and good thing I wasn't emotional however, I think God gave me this gift...I consider it as a gift.. LOL of really thinking a lot. I think it's wisdom. Although I blame it sometimes for being so sensitive and overreacting but it actually has a lot of more good side.

The past year I realized that I have learned so many things not just from my personal experience but mostly from others and that would basically serves as highlights of my 24th year in the world and hopefully continues to guide me all through my years while I am living.

BEST THINGS..

1.) Just like the Bible verse "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference" is exactly what I am, feel and what it is for the last year. I have been thinking really hard, couldn't really decide right off of the bat because I want to understand, I want to know the pros and cons of every situation and I am glad I did and doing it. Although yeah it's me procrastinating but it's better than making mistakes. I am not saying I have never made any mistake for the past year but more like minimized and I knew how I had to attack to every situation like a matured / thinking person.

2.) It's okay to be alone. Although I have a boyfriend that I can call anytime, I still have these moments when I can be alone #MeTime. To be honest  my boyfriend and I are not the usual boyfriend-girlfriend that would text a lot or call a lot. Whenever I am busy he understands that I cannot communicate and same goes with me (not completely). I really appreciate being alone at times, I get to again think a lot, remember the people I care about, my school and priorities and how I can make it better. I also always believe that whenever I am alone I have time with God, this is different from going to church on Sundays but mostly being able to realize what God has made me and what  he also wants me to be. 

3.) Family. Family is already given that plays a big role in my life be it sadness or happiness. My nieces and nephews inspire me a lot. I feel like I do not have to get married or to have kids because I am very much happy with them. I really enjoy my time being with them and I really appreciate that my boyfriend is also the same so he understands pretty well. I always thought that I do not have a perfect life but I can say my life is happy especially for the past year. I had a lot of troubles instead and it could be more than the happy times but still gets overridden by happy moments with my family. When I was younger I always thought that my parents have owed me a lot and I always blame them for the mishaps that I had, but I realized I would still have to be thankful because I am not what I am now if something was different in the past. I stopped blaming. I have forgiven them but it's still natural that I wont be able to forget. My siblings especially are very close to me, I am glad to have them around because we share the same things most of time. They make me laugh hard and I can tell them anything. As I view it we are still a typical family and I am contented about it.

4.) KPOP and Kdrama's. I take this as a blessing in disguise because I have learned so much about life by seeing characters in Kdrama or the lives of KPOP idols that I admire the most. For the longest time that I have been following Korean goodies, never I have regretted spending my time with those, instead I feel satisfied by watching 2-episodes of Kdramas lately, that's like 2hrs just watching. If it was the old me I would probably say I was spending my time, but these days, I say no... because I always try to be able to learn something out of nothingness of the story. LOL. I think I will be a fan of Korean's entertainment for a long time, maybe when I wont really get to be really busy!

5.) One of the blessings that I have received for the last year would be my boyfriend. Rimond. He doesn't know, and I wont tell him (not until he reads this blog post). But for the past year I have felt how I could fall for him over and over. My heart is filled with gladness everytime I think about it..and I think about him everytime. I wouldn't say that I have never felt this way but I could say that this one's better because I am taking it maturely or level-headed. I feel like my love is growing every day. Well, there were those times that I get disappointed on how he acts, how he says things, and how he respond, I cannot deny that I get annoyed of him maybe every day but every day I realize how much he means to me. I've finally accepted that you cannot really change a person however, you can accept him for whatever he is and it takes a lot of practice. Ours is very special, ours is unique, ours is something worth keeping. I feel like if ever we would break up then I'd be single for the rest of my life. I feel like if it wouldn't be him then I wouldn't want anybody else. What do you actually call this? I am not trying to be hypocrite because I think my friends know how much I didn't like him before but now is really different. With him. Right now. I feel like I can settle down already minus the kids. LOL. I have to admit there were temptations sometimes, there's Gdragon and Zac Efron but at the end of the day.. it's just HIM. Him and me. I don't know how it came up with this but it's really a good one. 

creepy story

I don't think I would be able to write my dream in detail but what just happened tonight was some kind of a nightmare or false awakening or probably real.

I took my meal break earlier around 1:31AM and as usual I would barge in to our sleeping lounge and sleep for not more than 20minutes (but has been over lately since I started going back to school) . I normally set my alarm for 15minutes so when I wake up I would still have time to eat or make myself some coffee which is by the way not affecting me anymore. 

My phone alarmed at exactly 15minutes and I prefer not to wake up and set it up to snooze after 5minutes more which I normally do. However, I couldn't sleep right although I was still sleepy (more sleepy). And I noticed that the bed I was lying to was moving like someone was trying to climb up the 2nd deck of the bed. Atleast that was what I thought. However, you would know that someone is trying to climb up the 2nd deck because after a couple of seconds most likely that person should have been settled and sleep, but it wasn't the case. The bed was still moving after about 4minutes as per my time on phone. My sleeping position was in prone position while hands both in my chest because it's cold, so basically i couldn't move it. I forcibly turn my head from right to left side so I could view the other bed but then my mind told me that there was a woman that was watching over me. It was just my thinking, I was half-awake I guess but my body froze when I heard myself saying that there was this lady wearing white looking at me.

I.COULDNT.MOVE.

I wonder if I will not fight that feeling will I die?

If I will not force my hands to get off my chest so I can reach for my phone just at least that as a sign of movement. Will I die?

I know I was awake but not fully for sure. 

I tried hard and faced the fright no matter if that lady would come across me while I was standing up. But nothing happened while I was turning my back against the bed. I glanced once and I knew it there was no one sleeping on the second deck.

I do not know if was just my imagination, nightmare or it was real.